Spaghetti? Really?!? — I walk into a dinner party wearing my white pants. I think I’m the most stylish person there, with impeccably dressed kids, and no one can see my underwear through my pants. But, really, my kids are clean-ish, and I’m at least not wearing sweatpants. Everyone can see my underwear. …

To do or not to do… that is the question — 1. Do NOT Actually Listen Getting stuff done is an art, especially as a parent. And your paintbrush is focus, an unreasonable amount of coffee, and not listening to your kid. Of course, your kid will start talking to you as soon as you start working on a task. The contents of this talk? Something…

The point of no return — Apparently, I can’t just click “return.” I have to spell it out, and “not flattering” isn’t enough. So fine, here, in this required section labeled “Comment” is the whole reason I’m returning this dress with embroidered cats wearing Santa hats. Honestly, I thought this dress was the one. I thought…

Angry, weepy, fun… — By: Lily Hirsch and Channing Whitaker The Angry Drunk When he’s skipped his nap for the third day in a row, he’ll accuse you of eating the last cookie before picking a fight with his sister. He definitely ate that last cookie himself but is trying to stir up shit. When you point…

It’s an evening of magical memories — Dinner is somehow on the table. Maybe it’s pizza or maybe it’s leftovers. Whatever it is, everyone is happily at the table eating, and the youngest child never once said he’s been poisoned because something green is in the sauce. Afterwards, a well-meaning parent suggests a family treat. The kids…

Keep your salad fork away from my fries! — Your honor, the people are ready to proceed in the matter of the parent pretending she’s not going to eat the last French fry on her kid’s plate. On behalf of the victim, the defendant’s child, we ultimately intend to prove that this particular mom perjured herself when she said…

Conference Title: “Why Won’t You Eat Your Dinner?” Venue: Your home (but, yes, you have to fly there and, no, there isn’t any financial support) The committee in charge of dinner invites presentations addressing the topic of dinner and what’s wrong with it this time. …

Eat your heart out, Jessica Fletcher! — I put on my glasses — the frames are black — and I pour myself a cup of coffee, also black. I smell like stale cigarettes and high art. I sit down at my computer with a view of an alley somewhere in Brooklyn. I know that the suburbs are…

A mom can dream — I wake up in the morning an hour before my kids so I can prepare a healthy and visually appealing breakfast for my family. …