Hey parents! Your kid is looking for me. How do I know? Did I see him actually looking for me? Of course not. I heard him loudly and repeatedly ask if you know where I am. …

With everything happening in the world, it makes sense that I’m anxious all the time. And my fears are perfectly reasonable. Yes, even the ones involving quinoa. When I eat quinoa, those little bits always get stuck in my teeth. And they might stay there forever. Not even floss will…

Subject: Date — “Donuts and Dodos” Dear Potential Suitor, I’m writing to pitch you the idea that we go out on a date. Though I have never met you, I am familiar with a creepy amount of things about you thanks to Instagram, including your interest in bird watching and…

Do you struggle with self-esteem issues? Do you wonder if you are good enough? In just seven weeks, this journal will teach you how to think and act like a toddler. …

We, the studio higher-ups, know many people are quite disappointed that Madonna decided to abandon her planned biopic. But, honestly, we’re fine with it. We actually had some deep concerns about the film and the “she’s too old” plot point. …

1. My MOM seems to be broken. What do I do to fix the problem? Your MOM may simply be overworked and under-appreciated. Try letting her power down so she can recharge. Basically, let her watch her shows with a cheese plate and leave her the f**k alone. 2. But what if I need her right now because I’m a useless child or incompetent partner? There is another fix: Enter in a “please” and then give her a boost with a supportive…

I’m the guy who works at your local coffee stop or favorite restaurant. I probably wear a flannel shirt and I’m pretty good looking in a kind of off-beat way. I also regularly make you the absolute best breakfast or fulfill your somewhat unusual coffee requests. …

First off, well done, parents! You’ve managed to complete a child’s science fair project! That’s no easy feat, especially since you probably haven’t done anything science-y in quite a while! Also, you had quite a few obstacles. Chief among them? Your child, who was occasionally by your side, asking dumb…

’Tis the season for mom burnout! — 1. On the first day of Christmas, my true love was nowhere to be found and I had to decorate, bring Christmas crafting materials to the kids’ school, and get presents for every neighbor, teacher, friend, and family member. …